


goin' to california with an aching in my heart

by Duck_Life



Category: Generation X (Comic), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Angst, Babysitting, Bigotry & Prejudice, Established Relationship, Gay Mutant Road Trip, M/M, Pillow Talk, Psychometry, Road Trips, Shapeshifting, jubilee is missing-presumed-dead, takes place during age of x-man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: With Jubilee vanished with the rest of the X-Men, somebody needs to take her son to his great-aunt in Los Angeles. Nathaniel and Benji accept the challenge.





	goin' to california with an aching in my heart

<She, er, has an aunt,> Chamber says, running on two hours of sleep in the last 48 hours. <In California. Nice woman, from what I hear. She’d look after the tyke.> 

Benji clutches Shogo closer to his chest, his breath disturbing Jubilee’s son’s wispy black hair. Shogo is wide awake, won’t stop looking around the room, like he knows there’s something terrible happening in the world. Sometimes bigger than his mom being gone for two days and counting. 

<But I… I can’t go,> Chamber continues. <Already talked to Callisto. Things’re in motion here, I have to stay in New York.>

For a long moment, the room is silent except for Sooraya’s stifled crying sounds. And then Benji says, “We’ll take him,” glancing at Nathaniel for confirmation. He just looks shaken, empty, like the rest of the students. “Right? Nate and I will take Shogo to Jubes’ aunt, make sure he gets there safely.”

“Yes,” Nathaniel agrees, a hand on Benji’s elbow. “Yeah, of course. We’ll take him.”

* * *

The flight Dr. Rao booked for them leaves at four in the morning, which is probably a good thing. Hardly anyone is in the terminal, so there’s no one there to see Benji walk behind a vending machine and come out the other side the spitting image of Lin Li— minus the antlers. 

“What are you doing?” Nathaniel mumbles when Benji sits down beside him. 

“I figure this way,” Benji whispers back, “we look like real parents.” 

Shogo sleeps soundly in Nathaniel’s arms. “Gay parents are real parents,” Nathaniel points out. 

Benji shuffles awkwardly beside him, leaning his head into the crook of Nathaniel’s neck. He doesn’t look like himself, of course, but all the little movements, the nervous tapping of his fingertips against the armrest, the way he burrows into Nathaniel’s side to get comfortable— that’s Benji, through and through. 

“I know,” he says finally, looking down at Shogo’s sleeping face. “I know that. But mutantphobia’s at an all-time high, and I don’t wanna have to deal with homophobia too. Just… we should just keep our heads down.” 

“Yeah,” Nathaniel sighs eventually, taking Benji’s hand in his gloved one. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

* * *

The flight attendant looks suspiciously at Nathaniel’s gloved hands when she scans their boarding passes, but she doesn’t say anything. They manage to get to their seats without any incidents. Benji still looks like Lin. 

* * *

Shogo falls asleep after takeoff, but he wakes up again somewhere over the Midwest. “Hey, li’l guy,” Nathaniel murmurs, bouncing the kid in his lap. Benji’s still asleep, slumped over on his shoulder, Lin’s sleek hair covering his face like a curtain. It’s a good thing he’s able to keep the disguise up even when he’s asleep. 

Nathaniel took the window seat when they sat down, so he’s able to look out over the landscape below, the ridges and lakes, the cities twinkling like starlight. “See that?” he whispers, holding Shogo up to the window. “Everything looks so tiny from up here.” He boops Shogo’s nose. “Just like you.” 

When the flight attendant stops by the pass out snacks, he grabs a bag of peanuts for Benji (whenever he wakes up) and gets some pretzels to share with the kid. 

* * *

They have a connection in Dallas. “Home sweet home,” Nathaniel mutters when they step off the plane, Shogo fussing in his arms. It’s a relief to stretch his legs. 

“Eh, we won’t be here long,” Benji says, triple-checking the boarding passes Kavita gave them. “Less than an hour until the flight to California.” 

“Got it. Just enough time for this one to use the powder room,” Nathaniel sighs, heading for the men’s room to change Shogo. He looks back like Benji will follow him. “Can’t,” Benji reminds him, flipping Lin’s long black hair. Fed up, Nathaniel grabs him by the wrist and leads him down the hall into an alcove beside a gift shop that hasn’t opened for the day yet. 

“Just cut it out,” he says.

“Nate—”

“No, look, it’s not…” Nathaniel sighs, shifting Shogo in his arms. “I miss Lin too. I miss…  _ all _ of them. And if changing into Lin is how you’re coping with… with losing literally everyone we know…” His voice falters on the last word and he coughs, clutching Shogo closer. “Just tell me, okay?”

“I’m just trying to do whatever’s safest for the kid,” Benji says, not meeting his eyes. 

“Yeah, well, so am I,” says Nathaniel. “But I don’t want to sit through another flight with you looking like one of our dead friends.” 

Benji morphs back into himself, jaw set, face solemn. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I wasn’t thinking of it that way. Really, I just wanted us to be inconspicuous.”

“Turning into a teenager isn’t the way to do that,” Nathaniel points out lightly. “You didn’t look like my wife. You looked like I had a child bride.” 

Benji chokes out a laugh, because this is how they have to do things now. If they aren’t laughing about the whole fucked up situation, they’re crying about it, and they at least need to wait until California to do that. 

 “Benji,” Nathaniel says suddenly, looking over his shoulder. 

“What?” Benji whirls around. 

Two TSA agents are standing on either side of a woman in Terminal B7, demanding to see her boarding pass. Her hands shake as she pulls it out of her purse. One of the agents looks at it and nods, and then the other agent starts going through the woman’s suitcase. 

“Jesus,” Benji says. “TSA’s gotten really brutal with the random searches.”

“They’re not TSA,” Nathaniel says, his voice low. And Benji takes a second look. 

The uniformed men have “O*N*E” stitched into the backs of their jackets. And the woman… what Benji at first took for a bad case of acne is actually a series of scales on her face and neck. 

“Shit. Shit,” he says, turning and grabbing Nathaniel’s arm. “We gotta go. We have to go. We can’t wait around for the next plane.” 

“We can’t help her?” Nathaniel asks, looking back at the woman, who’s now being patted down by the O*N*E agents. When he looks back at his boyfriend, Benji’s eyes just look big and sad and scared. “We can’t help her,” Nathaniel realizes. The only one they can help right now is Shogo. “Okay. Let’s go.” 

Benji grabs their carry-on luggage and they start walking, brisk but not fast enough to arouse suspicion. 

Of course, there are other things that might call attention to them. “Babe,” Benji says, glancing at a nearby display with the time and temperature in Dallas at this moment. “It’s 84 degrees outside.” 

“So?”

Benji looks down at Nathaniel’s gloves. “You… you can’t wear the gloves. They’ll know.” 

“Right,” Nathaniel says, shaking his head a little, like he should’ve thought of that. “Right. Obviously.” Taking his gloves off isn’t exactly the  _ worst _ thing that could happen, but it’s up there. Nathaniel’s never understood how telepaths could handle it, walking around with everyone else’s thoughts and memories popping into their heads like radio static. At least with the gloves, he gets to control when he “reads” people. 

And this airport is so crowded, so dense. He’s bound to bump into people, get jostled. Without his gloves, that idea becomes almost paralyzing. 

“It’s okay,” Benji promises, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll move fast, we’ll get out of here. We’ll… I don’t know, we’ll call a cab, get a rideshare…”

“To where?” Nathaniel says, embarrassed when his voice comes out sounding as panicked as he feels. 

Benji takes a moment to think. “My Nana lives, like, twenty minutes from here,” he says, forming a plan. “We can get a Lyft and then… and then, I don’t know, figure out where to go from there.”

“Okay,” Nathaniel says, trying to keep up with Benji’s train of thought and his faster pace at the same time. “Okay. What’s your Nana gonna think about you showing up with a baby? And a guy? And more importantly,  _ a baby _ ?”

“Sh— she’s my Nana,” Benji shrugs. “She’d get it if I showed up with an alien. She’s probably gonna see how skinny I got in New York and throw a fit and she won’t even notice you and Shogo.” 

“Okay… okay…” Nathaniel says, eyeing the escalators. He peels off his gloves slowly and tucks them in his back pocket. “Let’s get out of here.” 

It feels like they’re criminals, racing through the airport before the cops are onto them. It’s so stupid— they haven’t done anything  _ wrong _ . Benji hauls both suitcases while Nathaniel clings to Shogo, and they hurry through the throng of people. 

The whole time, Nathaniel holds Shogo close to his chest, one hand supporting his bottom and the other behind his head. Without his gloves, his bare skin touches the baby’s neck and the back of his head, and he is—

_ scared cold alone, loud noises and bright lights, panicked people running everywhere _

_ the hum of the bus, he peeks his head out of a backpack _

_ strong hands holding him, the nicest, most beautiful woman in the world smiling down at him as she speaks. she has sharp teeth and pink glasses and she won’t let anything bad happen to him. _

_ “push the beep-beep!” he pushes the beep-beep. he is bubbled. he is safe, for now.  _

_ the boy with all the eyes teaches him how to high-five. he loves it. he does it a lot, to the girl with the antlers, to his mama, to the blue furry man.  _

_ cinnamon buns, mama running fast, clutching his Bamf doll. it feels almost like a game. _

_ the sewers… _

Nathaniel startles back to himself, surprised to find that he’s been continuing to walk alongside Benji this whole time. “Whoa…”

“You okay?” Benji asks, glancing over. Apparently, he didn’t even realize Nate was “gone.” 

“Yeah… yeah, I’m okay,” Nathaniel assures him, adjusting his grip on Shogo. “This kid’s had a crazy life.” 

* * *

Their Lyft driver is an earthy, hippy-chic kind of woman with a thick Texan accent and a dreamcatcher hanging over her rearview mirror. “Well, hi there!” she says to Benji and Nathaniel through the window. “Here, let me help you with your bags.” 

She and Benji load the suitcases in the trunk while Nathaniel climbs into the backseat with Shogo in his lap. Once they get out of the car pickup loop, the driver just starts talking up a storm. “Your son is adorable, did you adopt?” she says, glancing at Shogo in the mirror. 

“Uh, yeah, he’s adopted,” Benji says, which technically isn’t a lie. 

“My brother and his partner just adopted a little Chinese baby,” the woman continues. “Cute as a button. I went with them to the hospital when he got his shots last week. Oh, please tell me you’re not that kind of parents who are anti-vaccinations?” she says, looking back at them. 

Nathaniel blinks, a little rattled. Benji answers smoothly, “No, of course not. Who wants to bring back polio, right?” 

The woman laughs, agreeing with him. “Yes! Exactly. And really, science has come  _ so _ far. Did you know that now there’s a vaccine for mutants? And we thought that was  _ never _ going to get cured. Now all that’s left is a cure to cancer, right? Oh, and AIDS, I guess.” She laughs and shakes her head. “Still, isn’t it a relief to know your little baby’s not gonna grow up to sprout wings or horns or something? Oh, what’s his name?”

Through gritted teeth and a fake smile, Benji says, “His name is Shogo.” 

* * *

As it turns out, Benji was right about his Nana. She welcomes them with open arms, crowing about how tall Benji’s gotten and how handsome Nathaniel is. “Who is  _ this _ ?” she squeals, making faces at Shogo. Nana Deeds is short and fat, with deep laugh-lines in her face and a cloud of gray hair tied up in a bun on top of her head. 

“This is Shogo, she’s the son of one of our teachers,” Benji says. Nana shoots him a confused look. “Um… we’re taking him to California to be with his aunt. Sort of a… home ec project?”

“Home ec,” she says, and scoffs. “Yeah, right. Come on in, boys. I’ll make you some sandwiches.” 

* * *

As soon as he sinks his teeth into Nana Deeds’ turkey and provolone on rye, Nathaniel abruptly realizes that he’s starving. The last thing he ate was the bag of pretzels on the plane. After wolfing down the sandwich, he stands up and tries to make himself a second one. Benji’s nana wrestles him back into the kitchen chair and makes him a second sandwich herself. 

“So Benjamin,” Nana Deeds says, poking her grandson on the arm. “Aren’t you going to introduce your friend to me?” 

Benji coughs on his cup of orange juice. “Nana, this is Nathaniel,” he says. “We met up in New York, but he’s also from Texas.” 

“Oh, how nice,” Nana says, genuinely sounding like she means it. “I have to say, I’m surprised your teacher trusted you boys with her baby.” She’s, at the moment, giving Shogo Cheerios one by one like she’s feeding a bird. 

“We’ve kind of got a Babysitters’ Club situation back at the school, ma’am,” Nathaniel jokes. “We got used to taking care of the kid.”

“Well, who wouldn’t?” Nana Deeds says. “He’s adorable. And so  _ happy _ .” She’s not wrong. Throughout their whole trip, Shogo has been his burbling, exuberant self no matter what. Even when he’s asleep, his little face looks peaceful and calm. He hasn’t cried, hasn’t gotten upset. 

His mother is gone forever and he doesn’t even realize it. 

Suddenly, Nathaniel’s not hungry enough to finish his second sandwich. 

* * *

That night, Nathaniel comes out of the bathroom to find Benji rocking Shogo to sleep— while looking like the spitting image of Jubilation Lee. 

“Maybe you should ease up on the impressions,” Nathaniel says when Benji comes back from putting Shogo down. “You’re just gonna confuse the kid.”

“You think he’ll be confused when Jubes comes back?”

“I think he’ll be confused when she  _ doesn’t _ come back. Ever.” 

* * *

Moonlight pours in through the window, and instead of lying down on the air mattress, Benji joins Nathaniel on the couch, squeezing into the too-small space with him and looping one arm around his boyfriend’s waist. 

When they’re this close together, it’s almost like the world doesn’t hate and fear them quite so much. 

“You really think they’re never coming back?” Benji whispers, his breath disturbing strands of Nathaniel’s silvery hair. 

“I don’t know,” Nathaniel admits, clutching Benji’s hand in his. “I’m not great at thinking that far ahead. I just… I just think we should be prepared for the worst.” 

* * *

Benji’s grandmother lets them borrow her Nissan on the condition that they bring it back before her potluck on Saturday. Nathaniel drives the first day, blasting Nana Deeds’ Dixie Chicks CDs while Benji looks at the map and keeps Shogo happy with a seemingly endless supply of Cheerios. 

When they start nearing Phoenix, though, Nathaniel changes course, taking them a little farther north. “What’s up?” Benji says, watching him the fading twilight. 

“We’re gonna have to stop soon,” Nathaniel points out. “I might know a place. Somewhere safe, and we won’t have to pay for a hotel room or risk getting caught by a mutant hate group or something.” 

Benji watches the cacti fly past on the side of the road. “You been to this place before?” 

“Well… no,” Nathaniel admits, reaching for their shared bag of M&Ms propped in the cupholder. “But James Proudstar grew up there.”

“Warpath?” 

“Mm-hmm,” Nathaniel confirms, his mouth full of M&Ms. He swallows. “I tripped in the hall once, and he caught me, so… I just remembered some of the memories I got when I touched him.”

“You fell? And he caught you? You’re gonna make me jealous,” Benji teases.

“You know I only have eyes for you.”

“No, I’m jealous of  _ you _ ,” Benji clarifies. “Warpath’s like,  _ the _ most handsome X-Man.” Nathaniel leans over to swat at him and Benji laughs. “No, so, he grew up around here?”

“Camp Verde,” Nathaniel says. “It was his childhood home and then it was X-Force’s base for a long time.” 

“Which X-Force?”

“Shoulderpads X-Force.”

“Ahh,” Benji says, twisting around in his seat to check on the tyke. Shogo is asleep, blissfully unaware of the wild world around them. Now  _ that _ makes Benji feel jealous. 

* * *

The deserted desert X-Force base looks pretty much about exactly as Nathaniel expected. A thick layer of dust covers everything. Benji sneezes as soon as he walks into the bunker. “Let’s get some shuteye and we’ll hit the road again as soon as we wake up,” he says. 

A lot of the furniture has rotted away or been overrun by mold (or, in some cases, what looks like some kind of chromium fungus.) They manage to find a serviceable couch in the remains of what must have been a rec room. 

Nathaniel lets Benji takes the couch so he can cuddle Shogo and keep the kid comfortable. He puts down some blankets Nana Deeds gave them and sleeps on the floor next to Benji, holding his hand when it drapes over the edge of the couch. 

Benji’s out like a light, Shogo too, leaving Nathaniel lying awake and staring at the underside of the old coffee table. Someone’s scratched  _ Julio & ☆  _ into the surface, etched inside the outline of a larger star. Nathaniel’s mind is spinning like a centrifuge, separating reason and rationality out from fear and anxiety, letting all his most stressful questions settle in place. 

Once they deliver Shogo safely to Jubilee’s aunt, what next? After they give Nana Deeds her car back, where do they go? Can they go back to New York? What’s the point? Is there anywhere in the United States that’s safe for mutants? What is the world like without the X-Men? 

* * *

Eventually, Nathaniel must drift off, because he’s awoken by Shogo making noise. 

The kid’s not really fussing so much as babbling, talking to himself in nonsensical gurgles and giggles. Benji’s sleeping through it, dead to the world. “Hey, you,” Nathaniel says, swinging Shogo off the couch. “Chatterbox this morning, huh?”

“Ba!” Shogo confirms. A glance at his phone tells Nathaniel that it’s past eight in the morning.

“We’ll let Uncle Benji sleep ’til nine, okay?” he tells Shogo, balancing the kid on his knees. 

“Ba,” Shogo agrees. Nathaniel lifts his legs up, making quiet airplane noises while Shogo beams delightedly. 

* * *

Benji winds up waking up five minutes before Nathaniel would have woken him. “Hey,” he mumbles sleepily, leaning down and surprising Nathaniel with a good-morning kiss. He gets a flash of Texas heat, tires stirring up dust, an image of himself in class. 

“We should get going,” Nathaniel points out once the fog of Benji’s memories fades from his mind. “We can get to Los Angeles before dinnertime.” 

“Mmkay,” Benji says, but he doesn’t get up, doesn’t move from his position. His hair is a rat’s nest and he’s just watching Nathaniel, lazily admiring him. 

To be honest, Nathaniel could stand a little more of the attention. But they really do need to get going. “If you get up right now I’ll let you pick the music,” he says. 

Benji’s standing in less than a second. “Cool. I love ‘Goodbye Earl’ as much as the next guy, but ten times in one day is a little excessive.” 

* * *

They pass the drive by eating an ungodly amount of Oreos and arguing about the proper pronunciation of “butte.” And before they know it, Benji, Nathaniel and Shogo have arrived in LA. 

The address on the mailbox matches the one that Chamber gave them. They came all the way here— this is the last step. 

Benji raps on the door. 

Silence.

Benji knocks again, and then he and Nathaniel can hear someone moving around inside. There are footsteps, and then an intercom beside the doorbell clicks on. “Please state your name and business,” the woman on the other side of the door says, her voice crackling through the machine. 

“Uh, Benjamin Deeds,” Benji says, unsure if he needs to lean closer to the intercom. “My business… ? Is, uh… I’m looking for Hope Lee.” 

“Why?” the woman says sharply. Jubilee’s aunt— if that’s who she is— doesn’t trust easily, evidently. 

“We’ve got Shogo,” Nathaniel says. “Shogo Lee. Your grand-nephew.” 

The door comes flying open and a tiny Chinese lady comes stomping out holding what looks like a futuristic blaster-gun. “Give him to me right now.”

“Whoa, whoa!” Benji says, hands up. “No, no, I’m sorry, when he said ‘we’ve got Shogo’ we’re… we’ve been, like, taking care of him. He’s not a hostage. Look.” He points to Shogo in Nathaniel’s arms. 

“Shogo!” the woman cries, snatching him from Nathaniel and holding him close. “Why did you bring him? What’s going on?”

“We’re friends of Jubilee’s,” Nathaniel says. The woman is somehow managing to keep a firm grip on Shogo without lowering her weapon. “We just wanted to make sure he was safe.” 

“What…?” She looks at both of them, and then lowers her gun, clipping it to her belt. Shogo seems happy to see her, her chaotic entry aside. He burbles nonsense and smiles up at her. “What happened? What happened to Jubilation?”

“So you  _ are _ her aunt?”

“Of course I’m her aunt,” Hope says. “Why isn’t she here?” Hope pales. “What’s wrong?” 

* * *

Nathaniel and Benji tell Hope Lee the whole story while Shogo plays on the rug. They tell her about the Horsemen of Salvation, and they tell her about Nate Grey. They tell her about the final fight, and how everyone disappeared without a trace. And they tell her about the destruction of the Xavier Institute, and how almost all mutants have been driven underground. 

“That’s terrible,” Hope murmurs. Now that she’s moved past thinking they were threatening her, she’s become much friendlier. The butler brings everyone coffee and cookies. “I knew the X-Men had vanished, but… well, her name wasn’t listed. I just thought—  _ hoped _ — she was lying low in New York.” 

“I’m sorry we don’t have better news.” 

“Well… you brought me Shogo,” she says, giving her great-nephew a fond look. “That means a lot. That means everything.” 

* * *

As it turns out, Jubilee’s aunt has an absurd amount of connections. She promises she can charter them a private plane to take them from Dallas back to New York after they return Nana Deeds’ car. 

Or, she points out, from Dallas to anywhere. 

The X-Men are gone. The mutant community is in shambles. But Benji and Nathaniel are together. They can go somewhere and start over.

“We have to bring your grandma’s car back before Saturday,” Nathaniel reminds Benji. 

“And after that?” Benji says, raising an eyebrow. 

Somehow, just being inside this house makes everything seem a little less daunting. Aunt Hope has an impressive arsenal, plus a refrigerator full of good food and covered in inspirational quote magnets. This child they’ve been struggling to protect— he’s safe here. He’ll even be happy. And as for Benji and Nathaniel? 

“After that… I don’t know,” Nathaniel says. “But… at the risk of sounding nauseatingly cheesy, as long as I’m with you I’ll be okay.” 

“Yeah, that’s pretty much how I feel,” Benji agrees, cupping the back of Nathaniel’s head to kiss him. Nathaniel gets a best-of montage of the two of them sitting beneath their favorite tree in Central Park, singing along to the radio, cuddling on couches, going to the movies together, sharing meals from food trucks they chased down in the middle of the night. He sees their past laid out like a picnic blanket. 

And who’s to say their future can’t be just as beautiful? 


End file.
